“life will be better in spring”

November 2010 December 2010 January 2011

Its really disappointing. I accepted you back a lot of times. And at least change uh. But u still want to talk to me harshly, you still stick to what you are. Then like i told you, get lost. I don't need a guy like you in my life.

Isn't it stupid for somebody to ask what to do. If I die, will you still want to ask me what to do?? and put all the blame on me. I don't mind. Now I keep my mouth shut. Never open my mouth anymore. Never open to say I love you or i miss you. I close my ears now so that I won't hear you saying I love you or I miss you. I will stop breathing in so that i would not smell your essence at all. I will break my arms so that I could avoid from hugging you anymore. I will break my legs so that I won't run to you anyway.

This would be the last.. My heart breaks to pieces. Thank you for everything ya..

it was fun fun fun! firstly went with rahu and pushu. over there met razak and taufiq and one junior. but i forget his name. and not forgetting that bitch. hahahas. firstly headbang like nobody business. and my neck is really cramp ryte now. XD

but some groups make a disgrace of "metalheads" over there. dun want to mention which group. siape yang makan chilli dier yang terasa pedas. then yeah. every break = going to smoke hhahahas. along at night, things are getting crazier. this chinese girl do the hardcore dance was fcuking DOPE SHIT SIA!! i only join the mosh for the last part.

yeah yeah. and along the way, aidil, abang gut and pushu we hang out outside. it was fun. seriously.

so bored today. woke up like 10am. so late.

now being free and easy. performance had passed. i must really thank both the seniors and those who perform for being there and thanks for the encouragement, support and motivation. you guys are the best!

well, planning to go nyai house at tampines. should i?? i think i should. hahahas.

will be updating soon. take care people.

losing both precious one in my life at the same time? how painful is that?

yesterday training was cool. i guess we really put all our effort. this friday is the performance. omg. and its my first performance. don't want to dissapoint the seniors. we will try our best. we promise.

after training, all eat at the same place. chit chat and laugh. while in my heart, i still crying. went back home with deen, lulu and amirul. worst, we didn't realise that we took the last train. X) and reach home like 12.30?? i quickly get ready to sent my grandma to the airport. holding my tears, enduring the sadness and all under control. After praying, went out and took taxi, i sat beside her and couldn't hold back my tears anymore. No time to think about love, performance or anything. In my heart, praying to Allah to take care her health, make sure she go and come back safely. Nothing else in my mind. And i cried till we reach changi airport. Its at terminal 2.

I thought it was only her group that is going. When i reach there, like WAA!! a lot of people. seriously. went down to basement 1 and MORE PEOPLE also. -_-" and i wasn't sitting at all for like 2 hours? and my grandma so cute u know. she non-stop going toilet. always like that when she wants to take a flight. As we chit chat, suddenly its time for her to go. everybody read the prayer together. we sent her up to the departure. and that point of time. i hug her twice. i like can't her go. cry silently. that's all i can do.

went back home. before sleep cry again. wah. woke up in the morning, my eyes are swelling. baik uh syah. promise myself to wake up at 5.30am. but u see what time now. always like that..


I've read your message at facebook. Yes, we are going separate ways. Be strong. May it be you or me. But still, i would not accept the fact that after all that argument, then became normal back. I'm teaching you not to make it as a habit but yet, you still do it. I  shall say nothing but to leave you. I'm sorry.

I guess i better start to write blog. oh man. This week is my hard week. Trainings and school work.

Woke up in the morning and fought with him. I thought of going tampines with him and walk around. But you know what? He didn't wake me up and then after arguing, he use his mum as a reason ??? and i totally fed up and just throw my phone away.

Thats not a issue for me. A big issue for me now is at 1am later, i have to sent my grandmother to airport. As she is going to Haji. Thats why I dun mind saying to him not to contact me. Because I losing something which is much more precious. Somebody who had taken care of me since I was a baby. She is like my own mother and I called her MOTHER.
She would be going off for 1 month to Makkah and Madinah at Saudi Arabia. I'm feeling down not because i lose him. Because I would be living without my precious for 1 month and i didn't realise that actually i depend on her a lot.

May God would take care of her health over there. God, please bring her there and back here safe. I really need her in my life and I haven't repay her greatness towards me. Amin.

Actually today i was suppose to da High Elements at school from 8am to 12pm. BUT i woke up late. And and also its raining. So yeah. Planning to meet the capoeirista at 2 pm at tamp as we need to find the logistic for the performance.

Will update soon. May my this blog last long. :P